Families face child care choices is a recent article on WAtoday which revisits my issue of a dearth in parental support in Perth and the rest of Australia. I touched on this in my About page mentioning my fantasy non-profit organisation with a range of child care services, satellite office facilities and other amenities.
The article mentions that economists propose new parents “clarify their family’s priorities” with the arrival of a baby but then mention the hard fact that these child care services would decimate wages. That’s the punch line isn’t it? With an average daily charge of “$72.20 per day for care,” this means working parents with newborns would have to earn an additional $26,000 in wages to afford child care services in Sydney – a little less if you needed child care in Perth.
I’m afraid despite the choices mentioned in the article, most parents, especially those lower income wage earners would have fewer choices in child care than is alluded to.
The following are some child care links that provide information to parents seeking support in child rearing.
The last 9 years as a parent have seen me trawl through childhood memories reflecting on how my parents brought me up. I remember all too well instances which involved unjustified smacking, questionable choice of movies, not too healthful food and beverage provisions, and interesting decisions involving education. I don’t personally blame my parents for these things, they were doing the best they could for us. In fact, I think of these memories impartially because in fairness there were many good times and great points of my childhood. And yes, I felt loved.
Whatever can be said of my childhood, from the nutritional perspective (I was obese as a kid) or from an educational standpoint (government school most of the way), I think I turned out pretty well.
Reflecting on concern I have for my children, I’ve come up with some questions:
If I’m a total stuff up, how can my children model themselves on what NOT to become?
How do I make sure that they look impartially on our failings and yet remember us fondly?
How can they maximise their own potential despite any current shortcomings?
And … how would they develop personal independence yet retain the wisdom to depend on our input?
It’s interesting looking through the retrospectroscope back into childhood, isn’t it? I certainly can remember lots of things from when I was 3yo and upwards. Reflecting on these memories is yet another lesson for your own parenting approach. How do you view your parents? How would you like your children to look at you?
I came out with a tongue-in-cheek post end of April this year called Husband Optimisation Tips. In it, I described ways in which a wife could potentially put her husband off-side with non-optimised remarks. You of course want the slob on your side, so Husband Optimisation basically gets the cretin going the way you want him to go! My wife however saw that post and wanted to know where Wife Optimisation was. So here’s my response, and a MUST READ for all the husbands out there.
Ever see Episode 6 (it used to be the third in the series) Return of the Jedi where Luke Skywalker goes berserker when Darth Vader figures out he’s got a sister, and then rips Vader a new black hole? Well, that’s going to be your partner’s reaction IF you joke about her deprecatingly with your mates AND she finds out about it. You can laugh off anyone else, and sure that’s how all blokes talk, but use this kind of repartee about your partner … and, ahem … you’re on your own brother. Chicks don’t like you talking socially about them behind their back, and if you even mention your partner, focus on the positive. I know, I know … this is NOT how guys communicate; you’ve just got to trust me that this is what you’ve got to do now.
Brother – I used to be a Chief level exec in a public-listed firm. I was a jock. I was ‘in control.’ When I was made redundant though, I stayed back to look after my first born son. That first year was the toughest. You look after this small package like your life depended on it. You fit everything else around the little bundle of joy. Through brain dead monotony you’ve got to do chores. In the afternoon you leave some dishes out, and if your spouse just *happens* to casually comment about the dishes left out since breakfast, you friggin have to control yourself from wanting to MURDER someone. Dude – being a home maker is the most physically and emotionally demanding full time job and you would not know such suffering unless you’re elbow deep in it. There is NO COMPARISON to whatever stress you face at work. You come back and assume you’ve earned the right to blow off some steam? Know that the primary care giver is dying to switch off too. Treat her decently. Also give her the break she needs – take over.
It is not uncommon to feel loneliness as the primary care-giver. Despite having play groups, coffee dates, or friends over, your spouse may have huge stretches of time without social contact. Call her during the day, won’t you? My wife calls me up once most days … and I love it.
Don’t you just hate those Gen Y people you work with in the office? Their work ethics leave a lot to be desired. They’re in it for themselves. They’ve got s*** for brains. Want to know something? When you’re back home, reading that newspaper at the table, kicking back in front of the TV, sleeping in in the morning, or letting the kids play outside for as long as they want … you are the weakest link at home. Your partner, your kids … they need you. So engage them as part of the family. Not to think of the kids as part of the team means you’re not optimising your time with your family, and you’re disconnecting yourself from them. Take an ACTIVE INTEREST, my man. Understand what needs to be done for the day, the week. Be part of their plans.
Get over yourself. I’m not saying this in a bad way. When you’re back at home, let your guard down. Relate to your kids and your partner without notions of what you think you’ve got to be. No need to bring the manager or drill sergeant back home from work. Have fun with them. You might enjoy it! And they might even enjoy you too!
Before Bethany was born, my wife and I popped into Spanish Flavours, the Spanish provision shop in Wembly we frequent here in Perth. The fiesty proprietor Maria Rosa famously refused to sell me chorizo the first time I visited her store some 9 years ago – claiming I was going to ruin my Paella if I added it in.
This particular time, aside from further culinary confrontations, she was beside herself trying to guess the sex of our baby. This is her method of guessing the sex of a baby whilst you’re pregnant:
If the mother’s butt doesn’t look any different from when she was not pregnant, the baby is a boy.
If the mother’s butt looks bigger or she just looks pregnant from the back, the baby is a girl.
Don’t worry about the ultrasound reports we had, Maria insisted that the little girl we were expecting was actually a boy. I suppose this was a compliment as she thought my wife’s butt didn’t look overly huge. Despite our insistence, she kept proclaiming “It’s a boy” over and over again. Can you see the amount of heat I got for wanting to chuck in some chorizo into my paella? OMG.
Even after Beth was born, when we returned to her shop, she would ask : “Are you sure she’s not a boy?”
Perhaps we might be better served to reverse the model? Big butt for boy; small butt for girl.
Does anyone have any other ways of divining whether you’re going to get a girl or boy?
We want to bring our children up to be self-confident and resilient. But at the same time you want them empathic and emotionally responsive.
In my younger years I remember two things very clearly – being obese and unfit, and then lacking the confidence to speak or hold myself in public.
This is the problem that hits you when you become aware that there are people out there who would scrutinise your appearance or behaviour and would judge you for it. And if no one tells you any different, you might think that this is how everyone thinks.
Fortunately for me, I suddenly came to the conclusion that I would care less about what others thought of me. My interests drew me and I placed a higher value on knowledge, friendship, and self development.
It took me many more years to develop emotional maturity or depth to be truly empathic, and I still feel there’s room to grow.
Parents, if you have older kids, love them and drive them. Share with them your pain and your strength. Open up their insight and bestow them knowledge so they know when to shut themselves off. Positive self image isn’t an easy straightforward lesson. It requires all your skill as a parent-educator. Your children depend on you.
#chocwars has just exploded on Twitter in the last two days (see What the Hashtag). Is white chocolate considered real chocolate even though cocoa solids are present in trace amounts only? Is ColesOnline here too? And is ColesOnline really officiating and drawing the line between the two teams? OMG.
My little contribution so far has been to say “Can’t be chocolate if it’s not *good* chocolate.” I really can’t be bothered with those el cheapo Easter Eggs, Freddo Frogs, Kinder Surprise, and such. Frankly, I’d rather starve .
In my house, Easter Eggs can sit out on the kitchen bench the whole year until next Easter – apparently taunting the children. It’s far from that really. We do like our chocolates, but prefer to reach for the good stuff. This is the philosophy that I want to share with the children – moderate what you eat, but eat well. We try to extend this way of thinking to everything: food, merchandising, drink, etc.
As for the debate regarding white chocolate – it’s not chocolate. It’s white chocolate. Clear as mud?
I had to have this chat with my wife in front of my children, given we thought it important as an Australian Chinese family to have them aware of these issues. It all started last week when a young relative of mine cried foul on FaceBook when Alvin was evicted.
Essentially, the FaceBook rant chalked up the elimination to Masterchef being racist. What does that mean? Did he not see the state of the Adrianno Zombo’s cake Alvin put up? Even Alvin himself described his cake as being a “monstrosity.” Now, I think I know what racism is but when poor performance by a person of Asian descent is labelled as racism, then I’ve have to say I think the real issue isn’t about racism.
… when poor performance by a person of Asian descent is labelled as racism, then I’ve have to say I think the real issue isn’t about racism.
Do you really want to know what I think?
I think this kind of thinking sows the real seeds of racism.
@Bern_Morley’s Daddy Dearest is about a family pulled into the tailspin of a father’s alcoholism. Increasingly deluded and isolated from reality, the father eventually is kicked out of the family. On another level, Daddy Dearest shows personal growth from the family’s children – the rallying around him with youthful innocence eventually giving way to emotional numbness at his funeral.
Do you see what is perceived as normalcy for those in Daddy Dearest is the same situation we’ve all been in? However you start, that’s all you know. As we read from the story “depending on who you listen to, [the father] was either a top bloke … or just a lazy arse.” Where we take it from there is another story.
… what is perceived as normalcy for those in Daddy Dearest is the same situation we’ve all been in …
I know it’s rude, but it’s entirely laughable when talking to the older generation, everything we are told about parenting is so clichéd. ‘That’s not what we used to do in our time.’ ‘When you were young there were no books about parenting.’ ‘Why would you need to ask your friends about how they bring up their children?’ It’s as though we are required to cookie cut the wins and the losses of the previous generation. Is life a one track loop?
Is life a one track loop?
Fortunately, parents nowadays have a higher tendency to parent objectively. This doesn’t mean that parents don’t make mistakes, it just means there are opportunities to self-correct from childhood experiences. In fact, you can benefit from positive experience as much as you can benefit from the negative ones. All you’ve got to do – fer crying out loud – is not drop your own baggage on your own doorstep.
Take a deep breath. Focus on what you want for your family and for your children. Wear a smile in your heart. And be brave.
Several years ago I took on a young teenager at my martial arts gym who unfortunately had a real bad case of body odour. What makes it worse is that through our physical exertion, all of us tend to sweat a lot. With that sweating, whatever’s on him eventually washes out onto all of us. It was so bad, you could even smell it on our clothes and our hands at the end of class. I wasn’t sure what exactly to do. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, but at the same time I didn’t want my senses assaulted every class. I wanted to treat him as an adult too, so I couldn’t just bypass him and go to his folks. Without really knowing how to approach it, I went to the shops to buy him a can of deodarant spray. Deliberating for a full week, I decided to just cut to the chase. At the next class, I told him that I had an “early Christmas present” and basically threw the can at him. To my amazement, he said “great,” lifted up his shirt and sprayed a good amount on himself. I then told him I’d like him to use it liberally before every class. No problem. End of story. Done and dusted. How much more simpler can it be – when you’re talking with teens – to focus on instructional language and avoid over-complicating small things? People of all ages appreciate straight talk. Phew.
In Primary School Maths – Should I Push My Child I talk about inspiring Wills8 mentally but know how important it is not to burn him out so young. I have however restarted my ’school holiday program’ for him, but with less focus on English and Maths as I did a year ago.
Today, I pulled out an art appreciation program focusing on the Post-Impressionistic artist Paul Cezanne (1839 – 1906). Here is the gist of what I’m doing:
Overview, humanize, and explore key techniques of the artist using writeup from Wikipedia [here]
Understand impressionism as textures of light being studied
Explore selected quotations to explore what Cezanne felt was important to his art [here]
Overview Cezanne’s poetry to understand his inner demons [here]
Replicate Cezanne’s art by providing an example of his work ‘Mt St Victoire’ [here] and a picture of the actual landscape [here]
Recount a story of the first time I looked at Mt St Victoire while driving out of Aix-en-provence, and not being able to recognise the mountain despite having studied so many of Cezanne’s pieces
Use software to pixellate family pictures to study light and textures
Choose a recipe from ‘Impressionist Picnics,’ prepare and cook it with the family
Cezzane's Mountain
Impressionism and Post-Impressionism is easy to talk about because I’ve superficially studied it before. Impressionism is accessible because many of the issues affecting those artists can be understood by a widely-travelled child – William had no problem. This evening, it was interesting to have represented the artists as lenses to an agrarian ‘reality’ which the everyday man was longing for; a the return to a more bountiful lifestyle. And more importantly, for my son to understand what on Earth I was talking about!
As I knew he would, Wills jumped on the activity to sketch out the mountain, and was very excited to manipulate photo images to understand how an impressionistic artist saw the light play on everyday objects.
I’d like to leave you with a quotation from Cezanne, which I hope will also help Will see the human condition behind any media.
A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art.
